someone please tell me it's OK!

i realized something while in my Jetta the other day...

i have changed for the better in the last six months.
the thing is, i can't remember the last time I asked for anyone's approval for anything. in the last six months i have flown to south america by myself, taken a bus over the andes mountains (alone and hit on by the men sitting next to me BOTH WAYS! more on that later), had a few romantic flings and a few dates, all without asking ANYONE, "should i do it? should i do it?" in argentina, where my initiation to the dating world took place, anytime i didn't know what to do about a boy (whether i should call him or not) i would have to ask someone's approval, even if i had already decided what i was going to do. i needed to hear from someone that it was all right. countless times i would call up my friend Audra and tell her my current situation and ask her what i should do. i know there have been times when i've said to my mom, "tell me it's ok to call him, i just need to hear you say it."

and i don't even know what has occurred that might have caused this change. maybe because i am paying rent and paying for my car and phone and insurance etc and am generally on my own (except for the fact that mom and dad cook on alternating nights). maybe it was the newfound sense of confidence i experienced after breaking up with my ex. maybe it was having to keep under wraps my penultimate romantic fling (dual-citizen-beau-número-1) which got me out of the habit of asking for my mom's approval, because i couldn't (DCB1 is a close friend of my brother. it's funny - the night he left for his country of secondary citizenship, my mom said to me, "he's your type. too bad he's younger than you are." ha ha ha without even knowing what had occurred between us. or maybe she knew all along).

or perhaps it is just the lack of anything interesting happening for which i would need to ask anyone's approval.