chemical issues

in the middle of the night i was dreaming. i dreamt that i was in pain and i wanted it to stop; the pain was in my lower esophagus, as if a pill had gotten stuck there and was dissolving the tissue, and i kept swallowing to make it go down. then i woke up. and found that the dream was real. it hurt so bad - i went straight to the bathroom to get some water. i drank two full glasses - sip by sip because it HURT going down. i was in a cold sweat. i felt like i should get some medical attention.

and i have hardly eaten anything since. a few cups of tea, some chex mix, a mini-bagel. it all hurts and there is nothing i can do about it. i even had my leftover samosas in the fridge. i did not eat them because they were spicy - i did not want to have to be sent to the hospital for real or have anyone see me cry. damnit, because i had my body fat measured and it was 7.8% - i cannot afford to be fasting. what am i going to eat? someone hook me up to an IV!

and i am testing a trans-dermal contraceptive. not that i need it, but i wanted to see how it affected my body - for future reference i guess, or maybe to help me "fill out" so to speak, as the menopausal mini-patches (ie, little estrogen dots that they give to menopausal women - i use them to prevent migraines) have had that effect, i'd like to have it the whole month long. it has been ok - no major nausea, but a bit of depression. i haven't been using it long enough to see if it goes away though.

i apologize for not posting something less banal, but as my current physical status is not perfect it is all i can think about. there will be more to follow.