(grumble)

i am in such a bad mood this morning. my dad is sitting on the lazy boy next to the desk and making his old man noises. i MUST get out of here! i hate it!

so i have been awake for two hours. some of the things to cross my mind:

- i keep imagining walking into this one grocery store in champaign-urbana, one i know i frequented, but i just can't place it. it's not meijer or schnucks, could it be the county market by my ex's place?

- just friends is a monicker that i usually consider bullshit. unless he is younger than me or i've already dated him or he has a girlfriend. or gay.

- i am so FUCKING HUNGRY. i have not eaten solid foods this entire weekend. do you know how tempted i am to order a pizza, chew it and spit it out bite by bite? last night i had pistacio ice cream for dinner.

- my bed is really comfortable. i sleep with my door closed because in the mornings my mom smokes downstairs in the office, and the smoke carries all the way up to my room if the door is not closed. the cigarettes she smokes smell like shit rolled up in paper.

- that i really do not have a scene. yesterday i was talking with my mom, my sister, and one of her friends. i was telling them how i didn't think the rugby scene was really my scene. how do you know it's not your scene? because both times i've been there i just haven't felt like it's my scene! but what is your scene? it is quite possible that my scene does not exist in this country. at least not in the midwest. maybe. yeah, i guess when i think about it, my scene is ME - the only attractive girl in the VIP area surrounded by dark, mysterious, handsome men. HA. i'm right - that scene decidedly DOES NOT EXIST.

- young people in barrington are STILL wearing birkenstocks like they're COOL! seriously, where do they get this? can you even still find birks at nordstrom? i'll admit to the same error in middle and high school. but i would have thought that the birks trend would have died just like the ugly-clothes trend died in the nineties. guess i was wrong.