we have not established this yet

there was no longer the well-if-i-call-what-will-we-talk-about hesitation. i just did it. of course i ended up not having to talk but the important thing was not questioning my motives.

"no, i would go out with him regardless."

and i can entertain these thoughts as long as i promise myself i won't eventually be devastated. just like wearing "pearls" from target - as long as i promise to wear real ones later when i am able, it's OK.

ugh but that meatphor doesn't work here. i want REAL ones! i shouldn't even be caught dead in fakes. though from a distance they look real...

ugh again - i am comparing my personal life to a string of "pearls."

i think it's this lingering migraine that is making me write this.

and juanes was in the player on the way home. i thought about how much happier and romantic and idealistic his songs are now and wondered wether i didn't prefer his earlier album - the one before un dia normal. there his songs were a lot edgier and seemed more cyincal. i think i prefer edgy - if you couldn't tell from my previous mean posts, i'm kind of there right now, edgy and cynical. although the first half of this post doesn't sound so cynical - it sounds somewhat if not hopeful, at least content. in case y'all were wondering it has nothing to do with anyone i work with. remember the prereqs? anyway back to music - i often wonder how singers continue to sing after they have become non-single. what do they have to sing about??? (oh right, the natural answer would be their current love but how many songs can you sing about that before it gets old? where's the conflict?)

one called the other an idiot for not taking advantage of the very same situation of which the one is neither taking advantage. (actual line running through my head one of the nights this week that i couldn't sleep; it's not really true though - i was just having fun with the words.)

and anything else random that needs to get out? no? are you sure?