tuesday's report

yesterday at the gym i managed to convince myself that i was fine not hearing from Arg 883 (or whatever) when i get back to my car and see i have a message from him. of course i try to call him back and he doesn't pick up. so i leave another message. is he playing a game? i don't really have any interest in playing games, but i did want to tease him by letting him know what he missed out on saturday (hot tubbing.) and again, too bad for him because mrs. s gets home today. good for me though because i get to sleep in my own bed again!

so the first time i went to see my shrink he said that it seemed to him that i lived by lots of rules. i am beginning to see his point. i mean, last week i couldn't see it because i didn't need any of my rules - the boy was calling me. but now i see them: you can only call him once until he calls you back, then you can call him again but only one time. you are not allowed to text him unless he texts you. you must have done something wrong to turn him away from you - find out what it is and make a new rule about it. so i do have something to talk about next week. aren't the anti-depressants supposed to help lessen this obsession with rules?

anyway so i am feeling indifferent this morning. i am happy about getting home and planning the next few weeks for the boy i tutor (math - tons of rules to follow!). happy about sleeping in my own bed and trying my new pillow and pillow cases. i don't really care wether the boy calls me; he seemed indifferent himself on the message he left. and i can't blame him for what isn't there.