just another morbid monday

i started a new job today and ended up going home sick.

i'm working at a hospital, in the nursing administration department. this department deals with funeral homes and undertakers and death certificates, among other things. i arrived about twenty minutes early (i over-estimated the commute) but my supervisor didn't arrive until an hour after she was supposed to. so in the interim the administrative assistant (i'm filling in for the other one) gave me some work to do. she flipped a small stack of papers through her hand; they were statements saying that the bodies of the deceased had been released to the respective funeral homes. we had a pretty busy weekend! there's usually not this many. she then proceeded to show me how they record all the pertinent information in the old-fashioned log book (yes, i had to write in things WITH A PEN!) i watch the names as she flips through the stack. Mr. Tom N. is a name that stands out to me. oh my god, i know him. my parents went to his wake last night! that was kind of weird.

then about 10am my headache comes back. my room is a dump. i was supposed to clean it yesterday (self-mandated) but instead stayed in bed trying to coax the monster out of my head. it finally fell asleep around 930 pm when i treated my brother and n. to friday's (i had a gift card from one of my teachers.) ooh got two backrubs from DCB1, that was nice. i don't have his phone number, so i'm ok. then i went to bed but didn't fall asleep till like three.

fast forward to monday, 10am (as i had tried before but got sidetracked). the monster is back. at first he's just whispering to me, grrr... buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... grumble... and the pain is tolerable. but he grows progressively bigger, occupying the space between my brain and skull, pushing on my cranium with his hand precisely on my left frontal lobe with that narrow pinky nail jamming through my eye, stretching his long spindly legs down my spinal cord all the way to my stomach. AAARRRRRGH! MMMMMWWWAAAAAAA! I'M GOING TO TAKE... OVER... YOUR... BRAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!! i had no choice but to allow him. he was bigger and stronger than i am. so amid paleness and cold sweats and making sure there was a garbage within two meters of my mouth, i waited till the admin. asst. returned from her lunch break, and i drove home. i went to the freezer, grabbed an ice pack and a bottle of water, asked my mom to make me some cinnamon toast (but only if she felt like it) and went up to my messy, messy room (the monster's fault) and put on my short shorts and a tank top and fell into my bed. i closed my new blinds and draped the ice pack over my forehead with a towel to block out any light that may enter. my mom brought up the cinnamon -bagel- toast, i ate it, and then arranged myself once again in corpse position. i started to meditate. breating like i do while practicing yoga. i visualized my brain, and melted it along with the monster. he became a slick of oil floating on top of my grey matter. with every inhalation i sucked him up a tube, and with every exhalation i blew him out through the drain at the bottom of my spine.

then i said enough of this and fell asleep.

when i woke up he had left. the doctor finally called me back. i made an appointment for 4:30. my temp agency called to make sure everything was ok.

it's the pill that's opening the door to monsters. she said it's probably my body adjusting to the hormones. that hormone levels rise and then drop when using oral contraceptives. i think i will switch to taking it in the morning b/c i think the estrogen drops are the key that lets him into my head.

so i agreed to continue for the rest of the months on the condition that she prescribe me narcotics. she complied. (actually it was her suggestion b/c i'd told her no other analgesic worked on these things.)

hopefully tomorrow will be less morbid.