revisits never count

this was an interesting weekend to say the least.

so i decided that instead of stalking the Lawyer by seeing if he actually worked at the Big Company, i would just try his old number and see if it worked. i honestly was expecting the canned voice to inform me that the number was no longer in service.

in stead, he picked up. after a little bit of phone flirtation i told him that i was staying in tonight. he told me it was too bad i was staying in tonight, we might have done something. after a bit of really really thoughtful (not really) contemplation, i told him to give me an hour and i'd come pick him up and i'd take him to this restaurant i really like that happens to be in his town. imagine that, at this point he is only a twenty minute drive from my house, down one road without making any turns.

needless to say we did not make it to the restaurant i wanted to go to. about midnight he asked me to stay over, but i was pissed about not going out to eat, so i told him no way man, i've got yoga tomorrow. then i called my brother to see if he was still at my cousin's house (which he was -my older cousin was having a cast party at his house, he was in some play) so i went over there. at the end of the night (when i left, about two am) i just felt like the only part of your night that counts is what you do right before you go to bed. so i just say i went to a party at my cousin's house friday night and forget about what i did before then.

honestly i don't know what is driving me to behave this way. boredom? the lack of any viable crushes? that must be it. i know that i can alway count on my revisits to give me attention when i need it. i just get bored waiting for things to happen or waiting to be able to make things happen, so i just make a revisit or two and things are peachy.

for a week now i was thinking i was turning into a stone. that is the danger in revisits; since you don't feel anything romantic towards them in the first place except for chemistry, you end up feeling that chemistry is the only thing in the equation and you doubt your ability to feel anything towards anyone.

i had a nice dream this afternoon while i was taking a nap that proved this otherwise. it was a sex dream but it wasn't one of those really hot sex dreams, i'm not sure my brain is capable of that. but it was really sweet. he (will not name names but it was a specific person who is a good friend of mine) was just really sweet. we had this rapport that i don't really have with anyone else in real life. just a reminder/reaffirmation that things can be sweet, that i can be treated right. something i should have known all-along but i guess i didn't really believe it or something, maybe it's that low self-esteem thing my psych was talking about.

although the other aspects of the dream were quite bizarre. me hooking up with this friend was the only normal part. there were all these kitten-sized baby animals on my bed, and i was petting them in the hours my friend (though in my dream he was more than my friend) was gone - i'm assuming at work because he would always come up to my room in a nice collared shirt. i remembered he mentioned something about being a geologist in a diamond mine - to which i said well then you'll be BLUE COLLAR. (because he was wearing a white shirt) anyway so on my bed there were some kittens, but then some other animals that i couldn't identify. i think one was a baby monkey, the rest i have no idea. so i had left them sitting on my bed, they had appeared from nowhere - i guess i had left my room and when i came back they were there. anyway so they were on my bed and i left the room for a minute and when i came back all of the kitten-like animals were under my comforter in the corner of the bed.

yeah, the coconut-flavored tobacco in the hookah was definitely laced with something extra last night. but i have no way of knowing for sure.

but, it was a nice dream.

and this weekend i think i got to do everything i wanted to.

-got to smoke hookah but no smoke rings :-( because there was a draft
-saw the New Crush
-got to ride in NewCrush's mini
-got to feel what it was like to be bossy (i told the lawyer acompañame a mi auto!) and i'm beginning to think that is how they like to be treated. but it doesn't matter because i am done with argentines.

and now, i get to go to bed and sleep without worrying about wether my sister's friends will be setting fires as i sleep! (she is at work tonight.)