but alas, nobody had a pen!

yesterday at my yoga class, the instructor told us that tension was just energy stored up in specific parts of the body that needs to be released.

so if i can feel the seeds of a headache growing within my head, i hope writing will release that energy. could it possibly happen? maybe if i don't think about it so much.

there are a bunch of things that have crossed my mind this evening.

first that i recall is this; driving back from an evening downtown i felt like i was in buenos aires again. of course, not because of anything i was doing at the time; i was headed home at 0:30 whereas in buenos aires, at this time i'd be having my cortadito and discussing which bar we would be headed to. then two or three hours later i'd be discussing which club we were going to. those were the freakin' days! i felt reminded of BsAs because of the humdity, and because we were driving along a certain strech of road that passed right next to a certain great lake. with the windows open i felt the humidity on my face (where the water molecules feel more like miniscule drops of oil sticking to your face like iron filings stick to a magnet), i could see a very very slight layer of fog, and then the flatness of the lake all the way to the horizon. it reminded me of the river. the delta to be sort of exact. there was this club we went to, i believe it has others all over the world (pacha) - we would go there a bit but it got tired after a while - i don't think we were ever going on the right night. i just remember it had a patio, and when the club scene got too much i would go out there and meet up with my friends, maybe join lauren as she smokes.

i miss it, but i don't. since he has been home and the second college graduate of the offspring of my parents (and as it looks now, the last), my brother has been talking endlessly of how he misses college; how he misses being able to drink beer at your apartment, then walk to another apartment and drink some more, etc. he constantly talks of going back down to his university to visit.

i do not feel the same way. once i got done with my university, i was done with it and had no intention of going back to party. of course you can't count the spring semester of 2004 - i was seeing The Ex every other weekend. but we'd mostly stay in or go to parties in obscure corners of FreakTown (as opposed to FratTown - my fellow alums and anyone else familiar with my state's public universities will know instantly of which two cities i am talking). i feel like this is because my college party year was spent in buenos aires - an excellent party city. subway runs until 22:30, after that the buses run 24 hrs a day, and taxis do as well and are always cheap (at least for people with euros). imagine a 21-year old who never really drank let loose in a city where the afterparties start at 11 the next morning! so so so many great times. but i miss them and then i don't. i feel like those crazy nights (for now anyway) are over, but i don't miss them - one can only have too many nights when your night ends with breakfast - right? i guess like everything nights like that should be had only in moderation.

what i do miss though is my favorite bar ever, milion. it's in this huge old mansion. and there is a garden, and a patio. it's amazing in the summertime. the clubs i could care less for - mostly they're the same bunch of boludos asking me to dame un beso! que lindos ojos... etc etc and etc. also large crowds of people in confined spaces in foreign countries where i'm not familiar with the healthcare system make me kind of nervous. so i guess what i miss is the ease of travel (which can be regained if i move to a city) and all the neat little bars and boutiques one can visit any given night or day.

ok screeching topic change.

one thing that drives me crazy in a good way is when a guy can't keep his eyes off me. i know that sounds totally artificial, scripted, unorigional, and egocentric, but it's true!

what made me think of this: last weekend i went out with my brother and his friends. a friend of his, we'll call him hussain, got a job in AZ and was back in town visiting. so a bunch of us got together. one guy i managed to convince to hang out with us was chip, who is friends with jimmy, who in turn is friends with hussain. of course, everyone is friends but i hadn't seen either chip or jimmy since chip fell from the graces of my family when he messed around with my sister (the blonde one - not the one who has alcohol-related issues). it's a bit convoluted and i don't remember exactly what happened on my sister's side, but what i understand to have happened is this: chip and i had spent a whole summer hanging out maybe up to four times a week. i was not working because i would be leaving for Buenos Aires at the end of july. from what i've heard from my sister's boyfriend, chip had liked me; i, airhead that i was, was only thinking of MP and my impending trip. i never even consiered anything more with chip, although i did like the attention and intelligent conversation (also i like a good snob with whom to make jokes about double-wides.) - not that he is unattractive, just that it had never crossed my mind. well, i guess that shortly after i left he and my sister had a little fling. they didn't sleep together but he made her order the morning-after pill online and take it, even though it was unnecessary. and why i think he fell from grace is because he was an asshole about it - he didn't call her after to check up on her (sometimes these meds make a girl sick) and was just an ass. of course he never did anything to me. never even TRIED so in the little universe that exists between me and him, he gets kudos for that. plus hearing that he'd had a crush on me has given me a little sense of power.

last friday night, chip was making up lame excuses not to come out with us. i told hussain, let me talk to him. he'll come... and of course he did. and he couldn't take his eyes off me. i just love that - when you can see him staring at you in your peripheral vision. i'd like to call him sometime to hang out - as friends only because he obviously isn't as trustworthy as he appeared to my sister. plus i'll admit it, i like being manipulative. of course i'd never take it too far. i love feeling like if i wanted to, i could have him wrapped around my little finger. NOTE: that is only if i WANTED to, which i don't, so technically i can't be accused of being a player. and i don't feel so strongly that i have to "get him back" for what he did to my sister - that is between them. besides, i like joking with him about illiterate leaders of countries and snaggletooth trailer trash (the thinly-veiled snob side of me needs a snob outlet you know.)

i've been very arguey lately. tonight i told alfie por eso nunca podriamos salir - estariamos discutiendo algo todo el tiempo. and he answers in english well that's because you think you're smarter than me. to which i didn't have a comeback. fortunately he took care of it for me by saying something that didn't make sense. he said, but I keep my mouth shut. i asked him to draw me a picture of this thought so i could understand it but alas, nobody had a pen.