ENOUGH?! please???!!! no aguanto.

is the occasional migraine worth it?

well, i get to have narcotics occasionally and enjoy better-fitting undergarments.

but f*ck, i have a knife stuck in my head for three days at a time!

i suppose until i find someone close who does the procedure the way i want it with the materials i want, i guess it'll have to be worth it or i'll have to decide to be disappointed every time i go into VS.

first snow last night. lucky for me i live ten minutes from my place of employment.

i'm depressed right now. i flicked off someone and called her a motherf*cker. god damned SUV-driving calling-a-diaper-a-maxi-pad-endorsing god damn soccer or security moms or whatever you want to call'em motherf*ckers who are responsible for W still being here! (actually it's not their fault as IL is a BLUE STATE! their votes didn't count.) i only use profanity when i'm depressed or have a headache. my room turns into a shit hole when i'm depressed. you should see it. the cleaning people came today and you can't even tell.

is it that i have too many distractions? or i just don't care? last weekend i cared enough to get my laundry done on saturday and put it all away and put on my flannel sheets. but it has been an inconceiveably tough week and let's take a count of the shit i have in my room that shouldn't be here:
2 cups from the kitchen. honestly i swear there were more; those cleaning people love me because i write little notes to them in spanish.
a little blue bowl with a bit of sugar in it. brought upstairs because i decided i was too lazy so i was only going to eat rice krispies. which are like air by the way they go through me in ten minutes (not literally;) and i'm hungry again. i love to splash like 50% of the top layer with milk and then add a bit more, then coat it with sugar, and leave it for ten minutes while i type an email or do something else unnecessary.
my little "tea tray"
and i could have sworn to you this morning that there were at least two plates and two bowls, also from the kitchin. again, the nice mexicans. i wonder if i've taught any of their children?


damn it they drive like they're invincible.

it breaks my heart that i've felt releif every day this week upon being told that my pobre angelito got in a fight or hit someone during lunch and would be spending the rest of the afternoon either with the principal or with the special ed teacher. it's sad; his mother is younger than i am by a few months. she had him when she was fifteen (i saw his file; and i'm breaking the law but i'm not using any names so i could be completely full of shit.) he doesn't learn or do anything in class! the only way i can manage his behavior is if i allow him to sit behind me helping the other students type their poems that i had them write.

but all that's going to change. he's had a horrible couple of weeks. on monday or tuesday, he punched two of my girls in the back. he spent the rest of the afternoon in special ed. on thursday he hit one of the girls AGAIN. again he spent the afternoon with the principal. today he hit the same girl on the "bottom." i told him if he touched anyone else i'd send him to the principal's office again. actually i didn't say that; i don't remember what i said but the girl saved me during the meeting with the principal because she told her he'd gotten in trouble when i really couldn't recall what i had done with him. you know sometimes i feel like a famous person and all the kids are like the paparazzi. i need a friggin body guard just to function in my class! well, not really. i just make them put their heads down. anyway my angelito got in a fight with a third-grader from another class and spent the afternoon with the principal.

after the meeting with me, the girl, and the girl's mother, the principal along with my favorit aide (she's colombian and so cool) went over to his house to talk to his mother. i think the butt-touching was half of the last straw; the other half was a report that he had pushed another kid into the street while walking home, in front of a car, and the other kid scratched up his face and was bleeding. so monday he will not be in school. hopefully and i'm praying (or exhaling positive energy for them, however one prefers to look at it) that her car works on monday and she's able to take him to a mental hospital to have him completely evaluated. stella told me that they might keep him there. she and the principal printed out all the information, all the forms, even a map and directions. all she has to do is get her ass there! it makes me sad. he is a pretty smart (though no match for me;-) kid but has many, many problems. the principal herself said that we could not help him anymore at our school.

thank everything good. but i really hope things turn out ok for him.

god damn, at fourteen i was thinking about horses and doc maartens.