who/when/where

i just realized i value the propensity to cry as much as i value the propensity to laugh.

my first tear or two for a month. or whenever it was when i finished retrato en sepia. and earlier, the first time in a long time i felt... hm it's not really something i can describe in words. i'm trying to remember what set it off... what did i see? i know it was people kissing on tv but what show was i watching? grey's anatomy... but which... ahHA, it was the blonde girl (not meredith) and the hot guy.

every once in a while i see something that reminds me how good a good kiss is. i don't really feel like i'm "lonely" for a good kiss though; i didn't see grey's anatomy and then wish i could be kissed like that. i guess it's because i know that if i were really desperate it would not be so difficult to make some arrangements. but that way is so artificial. there is nothing unpredictable about it.

it's like when i try to stare at a particular star - i can't see it if i look at it directly, but only when i turn my eyes away does it appear in my peripheral vision.

and I KNEW that when the other guy was pacing and yelling, where is she? WHERE IS SHE? he was talking about meredith, and not his wife.

i love that show!


and about that.
i don't remember my last good kiss. i could say with certainty the geographic location of where my last (and not necessarily good) kiss occurred, and with a little less certainty with whom it occurred, but the rest of the details are just lost to me. it must not have been memorable.

or maybe i should amend that - i can't remember my last kiss. i do remember the good kiss(es) though. yeah i guess i could point to the when (2004) and the who and the where (polo field) of that last good kiss. phew - i'm not made of stone! ok ok i'm exaggerating a little bit - it did not occur on the polo field, but there were kisses with the same person on the same polo field, but by then minds had already been made up, rationalizations articulated and those kisses were no longer as good as the previous ones.