CURSES!

i finally saw my mother this morning.

"i thought i was never gonna see you again!" i said as she walked in the garage door, letting the dogs in and causing my pregnant sister to yell at her "WHO LET THE STUPID DOGS IN??!!"

she didn't sleep in her bed (read: couch) for TWO NIGHTS in a row. i think she likes to keep us guessing as to whether she has a boyfriend. when i called her yesterday (someone from the house had called me earlier) she whould not tell me where she was. she wouldn't even tell me what she was doing!

she plays with out imaginations too. on numerous occasions she's said "he's mexican. he doesn't speak english; you could translate for us. and he's shorter than me."

anyway back to the point. i knew she had to come home today because my non-pregnant sister has a horse show in MO this weekend and they were hauling the bitch (i mean, mare who gets horse massages and periodic injections to lubricate her joints. you'd think one would have found out how much a pampered horse weighs, but noooo, my sister estimated her weight at 1200 lbs.) themselves.

she started collecting stuff on the bar to take with her down to MO. "i had THE WORST day on wednesday!"

"why?"

"well, i fired my lawyer after she called me stupid!"

"what a BITCH!" i said. if a man could choose one from whom to divorce himself, my mom would be a very good candidate. in other words, she and my dad have amicably(sp) worked things out and agreed on everything. she is making no unnecessary claims to the estate (dad will be helping out with maintenance and property taxes). so, this will not be a "long, difficult divorce" as her lawyer would have it (because we all know, the longer the divorce drags on, the more money the lawyer-bitch will make!)

when lawyer-bitch suggested that my mom could get so much more money from the estate, my mom said no; she just wants a clean break and everything was already decided.

lawyer-bitch looked at her (i imagine her with short blonde hair and severe plastic-rimmed glasses, forty-ish with a scowl ironed on her face from her own, long, difficult divorce, looking at my mom with her left eyebrow raised) and asked, "ARE YOU STUPID??! YOU COULD GET SO MUCH MORE MONEY FROM THE ESTATE!"

honestly, how does one expect to keep a clientele with service like THIS? my mom is not dumb, which is why she did not fall for lawyer-bitch's little plan.

CURSES! FOILED AGAIN! says lawyer-bitch with a scowl, shaking her fist, as my mom walks out the door of her office.