It isn't supposed to happen this way.
it's what we normally say when a parent loses a child.
but i find myself thinking this about my parent's now defunct marriage. my grandparents on my dad's side are still married - they celebrated their 50th anniversary while i was a freshman in college. and they have seen the dissolution of two of their daughters' marriages, and now one of their son's. i remember my brother saying something earlier this year as i wondered out loud how was it that our family doesn't have anyone in prison for drunk driving or any step-people? and my brother said maybe it's because dad went to college... look at it - the people who went to college are still married (my uncle aaron, my uncle todd, my parents at the time)... i'm not so sure that's the difference. my mom did not go to college. my aunt christine did. i'm not sure about aunt bernice but i have a feeling she did, too. maybe the difference is that BOTH people went to college. my mom did go to nursing school, but she doesn't have her bachelor's.
i was thinking it might have something to do with the level of education needing to be the same for both people, but maybe that's not the right track. maybe it's systems of belief - my mom believes in butterflies, and my dad is an engineer, so i'm not sure he does.
i feel bad. i wonder what was going through my mom's mind as they took pictures at my grandparents house. they believed she loved my dad. did she believe it?
the scary thing is that if my mom convinced herself that she loved my dad when really deep down she didn't, then any of us is capable of doing the same thing. and i don't want to end up where they are.
it's odd to imagine my mom, queen of the "huge" house that she designed and he funded. two out of five of us have "moved out" so it's like her sleeping in a new big bed that she has all to herself. (which makes me wonder, is the carpet still pink like it was when we first moved in? or did we change it to green? i don't remember.)
the reason i wonder how my grandparents feel about the divorce is because i got an email from them. in it they mentioned how they'd love to see me at your father's home.
on their fifteenth anniversary, my dad got my mom fifteen mini lilac bushes. they're still at the house. good thing we still have the house.
20.7.06
fifteen lilacs
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2 comments:
I think there is something to be said about a similar socio-economic status. In your parents case, it worked for a long time because they built their lives and their (his?) riches together. You mom is smart and educated even without school.
However, who knows all the factors? my parents both have masters degrees....but you know how that ended. my grandpa did not go to college that I know of but had a great work ethic as a farmer growing up while my grandma was an immigrant from Sweden who went to University of Chicago. On my mom's side my grandpa was in the army and grandma was a homemaker. On my dad's side both marriages ended in divorce and alcoholism from the males. On my mom's side everyone else is still together but then again Uncle Joe and Aunt Nancy did not go to college and while Uncle Don and Aunt Mary did, they also almost split up because of alcoholism.
Sometimes we are doomed to make mistakes in the past. Children of alcoholics are something like 70% likely to marry and alcoholic themselves. We learn certain behaviors and can change som experiences but not others. SOOOO I don't know where this is going but my parents split when I was 5 and my mom is convinced that she'll never have a wedding out of us kids. Her sister has had 2 already, her brother's kids are too young, and out of the cousins on my dad's side one got married and divorced within a year; the other two hunt 'coons. (racoons, not anything racially charged that I know of)
Or you could have my parents who should have gotten divorced a long time ago but stay together because of the money thing, my mom is too scared of being alone and having no money. Not necessarily better, just a different decision.
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