ok let's talk about me again!

so last night i had this post typed out. not THIS one but a different one. i realized that it's become a little un-personal. i wanted to talk about what my love mr. olbermann said last night. i nearly gave a standing ovation but then i realized i was NOT in a public place and thus it didn't matter.

but it got late and it was time for me to go to bed and i was getting a little frustrated so it was time to shut the computer off.

oh but then i couldn't sleep!

being a migraine sufferer, i understand how one little thing can just get worse and worse the more you worry about it. so instead of waiting for my mind to shut off and becoming frustrated because i just CAN'T stop thinking (which leads to further thought which takes me further away from the goal of mental quiet and then sleep). so i got out of bed after boyfriend reached his twichy state (usually about ten minutes after he goes to bed, he gets all twichy like his hand involuntarily closes around my wrist, his arm moves on its own, etc.) and i went out into the living room and read for... i'm not sure for how long but it was 0:00 when i got back in bed.

ugh but then the bed was unmade so the flat sheet was floating somewhere under and/or inside my down comforter and i hate when the sheets acquire a life of their own and wrap around my legs like kudzu. so i threw the down comforter off of me and went back out to my desk.

i made a cup of white tea because it really doesn't have all that much caffeinne in it.

so i colored for another hour (i've been experimenting with silhouettes of organic things like trees... i've come up with my own way to draw trees that follows somewhat of a pattern and leads to somewhat realistic looking trees - before my trees always looked forced and like someone had engineered where the branches go but anyway) while enjoying my white tea. so when my right hand went numb and my eyelids hit a level from which they could not rise, i was FINALLY ready for bed.

why, the reader might ask, all the insomniac behavior when miss e. is known for being able to fall asleep easily?

i blame it on the med switch. (OH OH! my insurance was finally reactived and i realized that in one doctor's visit i've already gotten my money's worth, despite the outrageous cost of cobra)

see i was on sertraline. but as i told my doctor, i was on sertraline throughout my i-give-up-on-dating-because-it's-a-freaking-waste-of-time, (not in those exact words) so there were *certain effects* i didn't realize were there. so as i am no longer single, i had begun to notice that *certain effects* were taking place and certain things were missing. hence the med swap. for the past two months i was "titrating down" the sertraline while taking wellbutrin. now it's all wellbutrin and like when i started sertraline, there's the dizziness and stuff and the emotionality that comes from being off the normal meds as i wait for the new one to take its effect. (i kind of thought that welbutrin would cancel out some of the effects of sertraline - which is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, while welbutrin is a dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor... there's gotta be SOME neurtransmitter that is normal in me, right?)

anyway yesterday i was feeling dizzy and nauseous.

boyfriend asked me "how do you say obnoxious in spanish? molesto?"
i asked him what he was thinking about to conjure the word obnoxious? am i being obnoxious or something?
"well you're feeling obnoxious, aren't you?"
no silly, i'm NAUSEOUS.

OOOOHHHHH. ok.