oh, androgyny.

as an undergrad in physics, i spent a lot of my time north of green street (read: on the engineering campus). This meant that i spent a lot of time surrounded by people who weren't exactly the most popular kids in their high schools and who, now in college, spent much more time in academia than in front of the mirror. so i used to amuse myself whenever i'd see a person whose gender was somewhat questionable.

hm, boy or girl? hmm, could be a girl because x, but could be boy because y, so, hm.

and of course i never would find out if i were correct, because you can't exactly go up to someone and question his/her gender without offending him/her.

i never imagined i would get caught up mistaken gender identities.

until last friday.

throughout the course of last week, there had been a particular child whose relatives were trying to arrange bus transportation. there were two people who came on behalf of the child. one appeared to be his tired mother (because she had long hair and was constantly sitting down.) the other appeared to be the child's older, middle-school-aged brother.

how nice that the kid's older brother is taking care of all this crap instead of his mom! how sweet!

generally one can assume the gender of someone else and be correct. the person who i thought was the older brother had one earring; wore baggy clothes; and had a soft-er voice than one would expect from a boy of his size any older than middle school. i figured this person was a middle-schooler because of the voice combined with the baggy clothes and mannerisms all pointed to the awkwardness of middle school.

at the end of the day friday, i was asked to summon this child from his classroom. the teacher (unwisely, i think, knowing then what i did not) answered, "who is here for him?"

whenever i'm asked this question about anyone i don't like to assume the relationship between child and adult; in this part of town things are a bit different than good old b-hills and girls become grandmothers in their thirties. i wouldn't want to offend the thirty-ish mother by saying she's the grandmother.

so I began with, "um, some of his relatives are here to pick him up." but she continued to press me. "um, i think it's his older brother..."

the "tired mother" began to laugh at this. both she and the "older brother" looked at me funny and after a confused split-second my face turned bright red.

whoever it was that i thought was the older brother was actually A LADY!

after a few minutes of embarrassed apologies on my part, i told her that, "it's just that you look so young, i thought you were in middle school..."

fortunately the child soon arrived at the office.

as the family was leaving I said to the lady, "again, i'm so sorry."

she looks back at me and says, "it's alright; you aren't the first."

LESSON: when unsure of the relationship between child and guardian, ask, "what is your relation to the child?"; be as gender- and age-neutral as possible.