lenses

how i felt then can't be used as a baseline from which to judge how i felt in any other situation.

for a while i had been asking myself why may 2001 was such a physically illuminating experience unlike any other i've known since. i had also been wondering if there might be something wrong with me or with anyone else since the "let's go" attitude hasn't been repeated.

then it dawned on me: it was a first.

i was twenty years old, having just completed my second year of college. back then i was not your normal co-ed; i had yet to be on a proper "date" or to flash my boobies at anyone. (ok, i still have yet to do that, but it probably will never happen. at least not until they're filled with silicone and they're worth flashing at unsuspecting bystanders.)

since i was a member of a cult, there really was no such thing as dating. it was you were in a super-serious relationship or you were single; there were no in-betweens.

this was the first time i had ever made out with anyone.
yes, i was twenty and still had not made out (ie, kissed for more than a minute) with anyone.

since i was involved with a cult that emphasized sexual purity, anything relating to sexual desire was to be denied. so what i was doing was confronting these desires physically without the mental capacity to deal with them; what i was doing was way against the rules.

i was in another country. this was the experience beyond all experiences - my first ever experience of a desert was not in arizona, it was in SOUTH AMERICA. my first ever experience of making out was not with the thick-lipped closeted fellow cult member of the summer previous, but with a FUCKING HOT SALTENHO.

anyway, long story short and the point i'm trying to make: no experience compares with this because of all the factors that made it unique. i can't say "oh i don't like tal cosa because that's not how it felt with x or y" because i'm looking through a whole new perspective now.

from the hours spent on the beach last weekend staring at people while visualizing a pair of glasses with spinny things that change the lenses: seeing the world through different lenses (ie, perspectives)...