deprimida; hopeless

this could be a rambling mess because i'm feeling shitty but i'll just spare my few readers and stop it now. only thing: dual citizen beau has disappeared (he is studying for some really important exams, so it's no big deal but an occasional saludo or one-line email would be nice). ferris b. (b. is for BASTARD) has disappeared as well. tried calling yesterday, no answer, and he doesn't even have voice mail (or can you choose to just ignore a call and not have it go to voicemail? will have to see with my mom's - she has the same carrier) so i couldn't leave a message. just sent him an email at 3.30 this morning (i had just gotten home and it was bothering me) with the message i would have left had he had voice mail. i think it's merely a pride thing on my part. i feel inadequate and was hoping to be convinced otherwise by being wanted. but looks like that isn't going to happen. tomorrow is another day; my face is still shitty and if i said it was getting better i was lying. it's as shitty as it was three weeks ago. shitty is the word of the night. that is all.