felices fiestas!

i would have posted pictures of my favorite bad holiday sweaters, but my pictures are on the other computer which is not running right now as it is waiting to be connected to cable-internet which probably won't come for a while.

which kind of pisses me off. i hate sales people. especially comcast sales people. my mom talked to them and they assured her that we would be able to get cable+internet at our house. of course then the guy comes to install it and he can't find the cable. i am so pissed off about this - i'm not all that disappointed b/c we don't have it yet, i'm more disappointed for my mom. here she wanted to surprize us with this, gets a new computer plus all the wireless network paraphernalia, and the shitheads have falsely promised her service. for those who were expecting to open presents on christmas (mostly my younger brother and one of my sisters - i on the other hand have been very bad (bad as in mean, not naughty) this year and wasn't expecting to get anything anyway), it's practically been ruined. i mean, they'll have one thing from me, and maybe from my other siblings, but nothing like they're used to (and if you don't know what i'm talking about, imagine our living room replete with presents - i'm talking presents not only under the tree, but on the chairs, the piano seat, you name it....). whatever. i guess all i can hope for tomorrow is that there is enough champagne and orange juice to keep me buzzed on mimosa all day.

good thing it's very cold out because i don't feel like going outside. on christmases during my high school years, i habitually went outside down to the swings and looked at the stars. i'd usually end up crying, or trying desperately to put some meaning into this holiday. usually both. see in high school i was involved in one of "those" groups. and i think what the problem was is that i didn't really believe in all of it, though i wanted to desparately. i mean, i could believe easily enough in the biblical meaning of christmas, but i could never really get it to mean anything to me. i don't know, this is kind of hard to describe. but anyway, it's been a long time since i've done this, i guess 2000 must have been the last year because after that, i stopped being a member of one of "those" groups. ugh and having lived with my family for the last year - this time literally; it has been a full year since i've moved back home - christmas now seems less about "spending time with family" than about "surviving it." yes, i think it is time to move out. as soon as i can.

and what is with my brother? better question, what is with me? it's like every thirty seconds we're arguing about something inane and pointless. i think he just likes to feel like he's right, and i hate that he likes that so i want to make him wrong... anyhow it's just stupid. i just hate his know-it-all attitude. it's annoying; i don't know how his friends put up with it.

and so... a christmas eve ten years ago... what time was i in bed? let's see, i was 13... naw, i didn't believe in santa anymore so i was probably in bed around ten. i remember maybe fifteen years ago... when we first moved in. my dad used to take lots of videos. he has video of us on christmas eve in our beds, and a shot of the clock shows that it's only 6pm. our rationale was that the sooner we fell asleep, the sooner santa would come and we'd find our living room *replete* with presents. and if we were lucky maybe there'd be a new pony in the backyard.