one more person on my blacklist

five seconds ago i called my sister a fucking square. she had locked the door, and i just came home. yes, thursday night is hip again! anyway for some reason she started arguing with me about me wearing her clothes - she is just envious that they look much better on me than they do on her. fuck her - i asked her what her problem was and she said it's because she doesn'tlike me. her fucking wasp ass panties are in a wad because she had to come downstairs to let me in because the dumbass locked the door without making sure that i wasn't home. either that or my mom left a note. who gives a shit. anyway i am slightly (well more than slightly) intoxicated... and i can't believe i have to work tomorrow in like seven hours! oh well - at this time last night i was crying so i guess being drunk at this time tonight is somewhat of an improvement? i don't know or care. i was crying i don't know why - maybe it's because it had been a full mense since the last time i cried - maybe it's because i felt impotent at the face of something, i don't know.

and another thing i was thinking about a lot last night. in the weeks leading up to DC i was kind of afraid - first that i didn't even know if i was staying with my friend whom i was visiting, but i was torn between asking if it was OK if i stayed at this friend's place or just assumin I was... then i thought, what if i stay in this friend's room? thinking back to my time in london and the stress and utter discomfort and anxiety that being in the same room as my sleeping father caused me - how would i ever deal with another sleeping person again? i have to admit though, having someone else asleep in the same room, listening to that person breathe, wasn't like listening to my dad - it was somewhat comforting, pleasant even. as i've mentioned before i really like spooning but if that had occrred not a lot of sleeping would have... damn my fingers have turned to ice once again... i really need to get out of my house. i am too spherical for these fucking squares! i am really thinking of going to chile - this wil be the second or third time i've mentioned it.

nothing more to comment - some spanish guy gave me his card. he was kind of doofey so he isn't getting a call. what else - the reason i like to dress nice and make an impression is because i am BORED OUT OF MY MIND and the only respite is to spend hours thinking about and putting together outfits for social events. and fuck the cold i don't understand how people can live in this miserable climate - as soon as i can (like, tomorrow) i am moving to california or florida.

speaking of cali, my cousin is getting married in may. i am going to California - LA area i belive - to attend the wedding and to wear my pink laundry by shelley segal (not sure how you spell it) dress. so beware.