oh no. don't cry! the woman in light blue tells me from behind the granite counter, as if i'm about to lose it and make a scene. i am intoxicated and have just realized the gravity of my situation. i have my head in my hands and the tears are beginning to flow. do you have any tissue back there? i whine. here's some napkins, as she hands me the burger king freebies.
she's just asked me how i was getting home. i think i could maybe call my brother? but he would have a hard time finding this place. there is no way i am going to call anyone at home, i say. it is about five in the morning. calling my brother would inevitably cause a stir. not necessarily instantaneously, but he would end up mentioning to my mom that he had to pick me up from the Near North Chicago police station. no, i don't want my mom to know how stupid i've been.
now that i think about it, i realize i was acting completely out of character. i do not go home with random people. not even drunk. and i know that my intention was NOT to go home with this guy. i can't explain why i got into his lexus. can't explain why i started kissing him in the bar either. i mean, he was a very attractive guy but i don't remember feeling attracted to him, like i wanted him right there. i didn't. at least not consciously.
i was at this club called Moda downtown, apparently one of the "hot" clubs now (that's what M told me.) it was M's cousin's birthday party. it was great - we walk up to the club, me looking good and feeling good (because i was wearing a new outfit and silver shoes) and there is this huge line of people waiting to get in. the cousin comes out of the club as we arrive. he says a few words to the bouncers and they lift the velvet rope. we hadn't even approached the line. i felt SO COOL! inside you could tell it was a kind of posh place - everyone dressed very well, not too crowded (that's what i've always found with more exclusive bars and clubs: they don't let them get uncomfortably crowded.)
and because i am a lightweight and because i am on anti depressants (my doctor said it may amplify the effect of alcohol, though the info that comes with the drugs says that alcohol was not shown to affect people who take the drug but it still advises against the use of alcohol) and because i am on my 2nd drink (a blue sweet tart, my drink of choice if done properly; this one wasn't) and because i am not a smoker yet am smoking a cigarette, i begin to get quite buzzed. i am talking with one of the girls at the party (who M will hit on later, leaving with her phone number) and i notice this guy in a blazer, jeans and italian shoes, standing by a pillar by himself drinking something. i know he is with the party because occasionally he speaks with another of the guys at the party. but he is standing there looking bored. and not really noticing me either. but remember, i'm buzzing. and something compels me to go up and talk to him. i say something like, are you having a good time? or what are you drinking? and we begin a typical bar-superficial conversation. he asks if i'd like a drink, so i follow him to the bar and order an appletini (this one is done right this time.) oh, side note. he has a pretty heavy accent so i ask where he is from: czech republic. and then, the usual small talk, though i could only gather that he had been here for six years. i know he told me what he does, but either i wasn't paying attention or i couldn't understand him.
while nursing my appletini i become sufficiently drunk to rationalize the following. he is midway through his jack and coke when he suggests that we go to another bar. some part of me figured, well, he's nicely dressed, i look good, it's probably another cool exclusive place, so why not? i go over to M and tell him about it. he should have seen how drunk i was, but oh well. he tells me it's my decision. so i go with czech boy.
the valet pulls up in a blue lexus. i get in. leather seats. nice car to say the least. we drive around until arriving at our destination, then look for parking. he drives into the first parking garage available. now, either i am a major distraction to him or he is trying to show off, but as the parking attendants are directing him where to go, he backs up into this lincoln. i feel the crunch-crunch-crunch imagining an accordian effect like in cartoons. i'm still too intoxicated to have a clear idea of exactly what happened, but i know he is stunned for a minute, and then the owner of the lincoln, a large, tall, black man, walks over to the lexus.
the Large Man begins to shout why you gotta hit my car man? and the kicks czech boy's door. hard. czech boy then begins to yell back why you gotta fuckin kick my fuckin car? i grab his arm and maybe kiss him and tell him not to yell, just go where they tell him to (i'm in enough trouble as it is in some stranger's car, i DO NOT need a violent confrontation.) he lights a cigarette and gets out to inspect the damage.
i am sitting in the leather seat, hands under my thighs, my jaw chattering. czech boy stands quizzically behind the lexus, inspecting the damage with his chin in one hand. i realize i MUST go to the bathroom. the police come, and czech boy and the large man are engaged in the details of what has just happened. i get out of the car; notice that the large man has, in fact, left a HUGE foot-shaped dent in the door of the lexus. i gigglingly ask one of the parking garage attendants if he could please lead me to the bathroom. he takes me part way down the ramp to this door. inside this door are two other doors. one door leads to the stairwell, the other door is locked. because i hadn't listened to the guy, i assume he meant the locked door was the bathroom. seeing no other option and remembering years of drinking bottles of water in high school until everything that came from me was clear, i do what i need to do, being careful to hold up the bottoms of my jeans and step around the clear puddle i have created (please, chalk it up to my major intoxication. i would have peed in my pants had i not thought of this.)
i return to the scene, and the police tell us that we have to go to the police station and file an accident report. i should have thought ahead enough and just suggested he drop me off at the place we had just left.
instead i get back in the car and we follow the police officer to the station.
they explain the procedure. it takes quite a while to fill it out and discuss what happened. czech boy is all upset because of the damage to his forty thousand dollar car (his words. he kept repeating that.) he brings up the fact that the big man dented his car by kicking it. the police explain that he needs to write that on the accident report and take it up with their insurance companies. the large man says something about there being alcohol involved. the police come over and question me, ask if he was drinking. i say no, they gave all the alcohol to me! czech boy, understandably upset, is convinced that the police should do something about it. they explain it again, and the young nerdy cop begins to lose his patience. i am somewhat separated from them. the lady cop behind the desk asks me, is this your first date? actually, not really, we kind of just met. he's a friend of a friend of a friend. then nerd cop says, that's all there is to discuss here, we're done so could you please leave? or else we're locking you up. i hear voices elevating because czech boy keeps asking what they were going to do. now an older cop has come to the younger cop's aid, and i move over to czech boy to see if i can help him to understand.
czech boy still refuses to understand, so nerd-cop decides it's time to lock him up. he takes out his handcuffs c'mon, let's go. beginning to panic, but he's my ride home! sorry, you're gonna have to find some other way. i follow them as far as i can and the older cop says sorry sweetie, you can't come any further.
i call M, crying. can you come pick me up? i'm at the police station! it's on x and y streets. i'll tell you about it later.
i sulk with intermittent tears slumped against the counter for the next hour. M finally arrives. a million things have run through my head - mostly, the desire to hear my own voice echoing through the station as i leave, saying "cain (nerd-cop) is a fucking prick!" because i think it is so unfair that they locked him up just for refusing to shut up. in my opinion he hadn't been yelling or belligerent or deserving of being locked up. but maybe they did me a favor. i probably would have wound up at my car drunk, or worse.
instead of making my immediate feelings known, i walk over to the desk and ask if i can leave my number on the accident report, in case the insurance company needs to contact me as a witness. i leave without looking back. M is a very good friend.
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