tuesday dreams

since i've been reading a lot more lately, i've been falling asleep with my television OFF. for the last few months (in all honesty, since august) i've felt the need to keep my tv on as i fall asleep. i don't know if it's that i'm lonely and appreciate the extra noise, or i couldn't sleep without it on, or i liked waking up in the middle of the night to something completely random, but i would leave it on all night. one thing i noticed though whenever i left the tv on is that i never remembered any of my dreams from the night before. i think i have convinced myself that i no longer NEED the tv to fall asleep, so this has afforded me the ability to remember the most random dreams.

for example, monday morning's was about this party i was at. i think it was a new year's eve party. it was in this big victorian house, with a porch in the back that had really high columns. first it was raining, and then it began to snow. as it was raining i was looking up the columns towards the top of the house. the house was blue, and the trim and columns were white. inside the party, shakira was there. she was by herself and drawing this cryptic poster about how she had just broken up with that argentine guy. i was hoping to talk to her so i could have her call my friend the Andean LoveChild and surprize him, but for some reason i was prevented from doing so.

then i remember going outside, and there was a deep creek in the back yard with a curving bridge going over it, but the bridge led only to trees, there was no path. along the creek i saw two peacocks, a male and a female. the male was leading, and he was wearing a tophat and a tuxedo-looking kind of thing. they were all dressed up and coming home from a party or something. then the male began to speak to me. he said these random things, like a parrot just saying words. at first i thought they made sense, and then i realized that he was just talking. the rest of the details of the dream blend with the intricacies of my mind waking up, so that is about all i clearly remember.

i have also found myself dreaming about DCB1 lately. i remember there was one saturday or sunday in which he appeared, but i don't remember what happened. he was in this morning's dream too. we were out with my brother and some other people. i didn't know how to gauge the situation so i kept my distance from him. then he showed me a paper on which i had written something about something we did in the past (which in reality we hadn't done.) then he showed me a few photographs, and they are all cut so that both of us appear in them. i think we may have been at a bar or a club, but my brother and the others finally leave. there is some discussion with DCB1, i don't remember exactly what about, but i remember that right before i woke up he was holding my hand and kissing it. like, our elbows were on the tables and our hands were in the air.

which leads me to UGH i'm so frustrated about his "seeing you socially" proposition and his not following through with it. it took me three years to feel that way about someone. i mean, we could have had something.

the last time i saw my therapist, he asked me about that experience.

i called it revoultionary.