tristeza/jerk-magnet/but why?

i don't know if it's jealousy, envy, what. but i know the lawyer is an asshole. i sent him an IM just to say hello and ask how the convivencia was going with his girlfriend. apparently she doesn't do anything all day. and he told me she had his cell phone with her all the time.

wow, this girl is 28 (i asked the last time i saw him, in may) and she is doing nothing all day but holding on to the cell phone... sad, sad, sad. i'm sure half of that is truth.

but why me da cosa? un petit peu de tristesse. i guess there's a few reasons.

1) first argentine "person-i-saw"
2) everytime i was at his place i was transfixed by his grandmother's wedding photo - a young woman, non-smiling, in this huge dress spread all around her
3) i suppose i assigned feelings to him that he didn't really have
4) money. he came from money, he is making lots of money.
i know, it makes me cringe to admit it, but i think that was one of the fun things about going out with him, we'd take taxis everywhere, he seemed to have class, etc.
5) he was very smart
6) very good looking
7) i guess it's just the not-having-been-chosen that is giving me this tristesse; i know he is an asshole and playing with him is like playing with fire

of course there are always more reasons to let go of the tristeza
1) asshole
2) once told me that i had to ask his grandmother for permission to go out with him. me, the innocent that i was, actually did it, and when we got in the elevator he admitted the truth - he *thought* he had stepped in dog shit and needed to check it out and go to his place if in fact he had. seriously, who does that? remember i was 21 and a virgin at the time so no shame on me for being gullible.
3) money. he will always have lovers. always. after a deep introspection i've decided that it's much better to be the lady than the mistress. but it could be fun to be the mistress. nah, it seems like a pointless pursuit if you've not yet hit your sexual peak.
4) i think he is a sociopath - ie, he may not have a conscience.
5) i also get the impression he is incapable of loving anyone.
6) he is pushy.
7) always wants it his way. enough said.
8) therefore making him a predator of people who don't stand up for themselves.
9) last time i saw him i demanded he walk me to my car and he did. therefore i am no longer a person who does not stand up for herself.
10) his gf is at home all day doing nothing? how can he stand that? could be symptomatic of one of those macho, live-in-woman=dishwasher kind of guys.


yes, i think it is merely the desire to be desired, to be with someone.

but oh well, i'm over it. i'm too busy to stop and think about this on a daily basis.