a few weeks ago i was contacted via myspace by a girl with whom i'd gone to high school. WHAT A TOTAL CHANGE! it's like she's been brainwashed.

let's get the backstory though - her locker was right next to mine senior year and i ignored her for the duration of my five month depression (she was the girl who got asked to homecoming by the guy who told me he would be out of town that weekend). but by the start of the summer, we ended up hanging out a bit. she used to be so interesting and cool. now, from what she's written on her "about me" space, it's like she is a completely different person.

instead of bashing her apparent brainwashing, i guess what i would like to know is what does she think now of the person she was when she started college? what caused such a seemingly drastic change?

i suppose she could say the exact same thing to me. only i changed in the opposite direction. not that either direction is good or bad - they just are. what i would say about the person I was when i started college... naive, content to follow, manifesting my obsessive tendencies in organized religion, hoping for my Mrs degree right after college (preferably to an engineer); very ignorant of the very person i am now.

what caused this drastic change? life caused it. my higher-order thinking skills caused it. depression caused it. discovering the rest of the world outside of my bubble caused it.

so i wonder what caused an apparent change in the other direction for my friend?


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my dad keeps saying all these morbid things. i was looking through the endless stacks of books for anne rice's interview with the vampire (started it via audiobook while i was in NC but *someone special* wouldn't let me finish it!) i notice that on these shelves are many of the same books i encountered on the shelves downstairs, where my mom puts her books.
"dad, did you realize that a lot of the books up here are downstairs too?"
"that's 'cause your mother hasn't spoken to me for thirty years."
-potential awkward pause-
"OH, THAT would explain it!"

and then he's talking about "oh this could be the last time we ever eat dinner together as a family, all of us together!" or "should we open the pool this summer? for one last season?"

so today i suggested he tell these morbid things to a psychologist instead of to us because i don't like to hear my dad talk like that. it's a little scary. i just want them to keep the house "in the family" - i need somewhere to store all my books, track and cross country medals, horse show ribbons, etc.