a shower to bring me back to life...

i used to have this superstition: after being with anyone in a certain context i would have to take a shower before seeing anyone else in any context, to "wash him" off of me. i was convinced that it could be smelled on me and that i would be unable to lie about "where i was last night" with that foreign scent all over me. of course that all stopped more than a year ago when i effectively renounced the dating world in favor of something infinitely more productive (education). and it was something that i just realized today, while sitting on the toilet: i have not returned to that superstition with Boyfriend. and that is a good thing. we usually end up in the shower together anyway, so the cleaning has a physical motivation instead of one spurred by obsessive-compulsive-ness and/or vestiges of religious guilt.

somewhere among the synapses is the connection between this and my thursday interview. the interviewer told me that "hopefully i would hear from them tomorrow." plus, need i mention, today is the first day back to school for teachers. thursday i was so excited after my interview that it had gone (how i saw it) so well. it was for a position as a spanish I and II teacher at a high school about forty minutes from my current domicile. the administration was fully aware that i would be a lateral entry teacher. they had also seen my high test scores for the spanish proficiency exam and the basic skills exam. i even thought about how my former boss would be a good contact, because she certainly didn't doubt my abilities to communicate effectively in spanish. i was actually kind of excited when they told me there would be a written part to the interview (as part of their screening process).

if the reader hasn't yet guessed where this is going, i got no call from them on friday. no email. no email this morning. as of the writing of this post, no phone call.

maybe because the interviewer asked me if i had any particular salary requirements, or that the secretary was especially nice to me after the interview (she even tried almost every one of her keys in the door to get me back to the lobby, but ended up walking me around), i was excited and felt like i'd finally found a job (!) here.

but now i'm thinking, maybe it was because i forgot to give the pen back that i used to write the essay. you know how when you write something and, writing utensil in hand, something else comes up and you forget about what is in your hand? that's what happened here. when i was outside of the school i realized the pen was still in my hand. i debated over whether to take it back and decided not to (it was a trivial pen and maybe would have seemed trivial on my part, or, it would seem dumb to go back to my interviewers merely because of a pen). besides, i figured, well, i'll have another chance to give it back to them.

maybe i'm having all these doubts because i'm beating myself up for being proud and over-confident. not that i have any proof of my success as a teacher, i do have proof that i have attained the level of proficiency in my second language that i would expect from any teacher of spanish, and that i would love to inspire in others to achieve.

argh. i'll go take a shower to wash all these stupid thoughts off of me so i can get on with my day.