ENORMOUS LENGTH WOOD SPANKING WHORES!

now that i have your attention, all this bullshit is what happens when people do not pay attention to what is happening in the world and in this country. as ms. rhodes said, THIS IS A PARTICIPATORY DEMOCRACY - you have to participate! too many people were convinced that voting democratic was a death sentence in 2004... please with the bullshit going on now, which borders on the insane, please recognize how RIDICULOUS IT IS!

ok, now i don't mean to be "one of those bloggers" or anything - and i am definitely not a "talking head" and i do not use catch-phrases (aka, talking points) from either side. but this made me say "OH MY GOD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" (the whole article is from AP but i'll highlight the parts that make my blood pressure rise)

"I wonder if they are more interested in protecting the terrorists than protecting the American people," said House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio. "They certainly do not want to take the terrorists on and defeat them."

please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE cut it out you freaking TOOLS! i am fucking sick of you vilifying people who oppose FACISM! (would this regime be called christofacism???)

continuing on with the article, i let out another GASP!

"The liberal MoveOn.org planned to air a cable television ad this week accusing Bush and congressional Republicans of politicizing Sept. 11 by exploiting the attacks to invade Iraq and win re-election. Two conservative groups, Progress for America and the Center for Security Policy, started running their own ads last week backing Bush's policy and telling viewers to vote 'as if your life depends on it.'" (emphasis mine)

i would suggest voting as if your CIVIL LIBERTIES depended on it! the quality of your life depends on it! so i guess they're right, just not in the way i'm sure they intended.

think about this: what if you got mixed up with the "wrong crowd" (ie, the democratic party) or something, or were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and through some misunderstanding you wound up in a secret interrogation cell in what you believe to be siberia because it's so cold, strapped to a board and dipped into freezing water, and the only way they will let you go is if you confess to whatever it is they say you did that you really didn't do? hopefully that won't happen. but i'm the kind of person who is incredibly afraid of misunderstandings. my face always gives away lies i tell, (which is why i don't really lie), but if i'm nervous about being accused of doing something i did not do, my face also deceives me - i get so anxious thinking about "i didn't do it, i hope they don't accuse me" that i start to look (or think i start to look, which leads to looking) as if i did do whatever it is i've been accused of. i hate when all the evidence points against you but you know that you DID NOT do whatever you're being accused of, and there's no way you can prove your innocence! (it's like what happened with my bad reference - whose word are they going to take, mine or hers? hers, given that she's my former boss; i'm not sure many people would believe me if i told them i really didn't know why i wasn't renewed, that the principal was green and didn't really know what she was doing?) but oh god i'd need to have a whole other post about that bullshit.

ok i have to stop thinking about that or i'll sever a synapse.

anyway i'm still in my cave. i don't feel like doing much, although i did buy a few pair of tights and some 440-tc pillow cases. i don't think i left the house yesterday. i'm kind of depressed, but it's legitimate - i have a reason - so it's not really "depressed" just "blue". oh, i also bought cinnamon and went to starbucks as well.

but i would like to reflect on that... in 2004 i was out of control. well, i did things normal 23 year olds do - go out, drink, smoke (but only to blow smoke rings), party, etc. what was out of control was my ajfjfaodiufpwieakjafds;. i don't know how to label it, but it's the thing that made my family members say in november 2004 "why are you yelling at the TV? god, you swear so much! george fucking bush can't hear your god damn fucking language!" basically, i was an irate little bitch. when i went to london I COULD NOT ENJOY IT no matter how hard i tried because i was so annoyed by everyone around me - i would yell at them or push them or complain, and then privately feel incredibly horrible about it and vowing to relax but it was IMPOSSIBLE. remember, that was pre-meds. and i have to say, the change i gradually experienced was not just a psychological effect (ie, the placebo effect) because before when i would try to control my irate outbursts i could only do it for so long. now, i only have outbursts when i have a legitimate reason (like when i slam my finger in a door for example). i was afraid being on meds would change me in some way, and in the beginning i felt like it had taken my "edge" (of course that edge was uncontrolled rage!) my cynical remarks, etc. i was also afraid that i would feel nothing. lately i've had to shake things up a bit because i'd been a little "numb" in an area where, throughout almost all of last year, i didn't notice the numbness because i didn't need to feel anything in regards to that area. ah, attachment, i think that's the word i want; didn't notice my "numbness" towards attachment until i became attached.

ok there. now to try on my tights.