i think i'm going to stop eating.



i just feel like absolute SHIT. would it be ok for me to slowly wither away into non-existence?

there is a difference between wanting to kill youself and wanting no longer to exist.

(you can come back from the dead if you choose the second option)

and no, i'm not contemplating either of the two. depression has hit me again like a ton of bricks and even though i RECOGNISE the irrationality of some of what i am feeling it still doesn't change the fact that I DON'T OWN A CAR I FEEL LIKE SHIT. i think i'll definitely start to look for a new therapist if this one has triggered all this shit in me. of course, that is, if i can dig myself out of my bed.

i just realised yesterday one of the fundamentals of what's wrong with my mind: i sit here at my desk pouting like a spoiled child. but unlike the spoiled child, i'm only angry at MYSELF.