a title could not do it justice

today i arrived at work smelling like skunk.

skunk as in the wild animal.

it all started as a normal morning - my alarm woke me at 7am. i noticed that it smelled kind of funny in my room, as if something were burning or melting. i pressed snooze, thinking that if something were smoldering five minutes shouldn't make much of a difference (mind you i had just woken up and was still in between dreams). i woke up after five minutes and went downstairs.

BAM! the scent hit me like a bat in the face. it was indescribable. dumbfounding. i stood in the kitchen, atónita, trying to comprehend this overpowering force, for about two minutes. MOM! what's burning? she just gave me this look as in, you're not going to believe our dumb-ass dogs.

i guess there was a skunk in the yard and they killed it. my mom heard a commotion outside early this morning after she had let them out. she found our little dog, lizzie (a runt-ish jack russel) covered in this YELLOW OOZE! that's right folks. skunks do not have a little gland that emits a little spritz of unpleasant-smelling perfume or a cloud of odor. it emits yellow ooze that is so hideous it cannot even be visualized! my mom told me that she thought the little dog was going to die, she had the yellow stuff all over her face and was gagging. she brought her inside and rinsed her off in the utility sink, and then put her back outside.

i couldn't even eat. i sat at the counter watching the Today Show sipping my tea while holding my nose. i honestly felt like throwing up. finally i made a bowl of cereal and brougt it up to my room, where it didn't smell as bad. i shut my door as soon as i left my room and made my way as quickly as possible to my car, and off to work.

when i got to work, i sat down at my desk. Mrs. O walks in and asks, what's that smell? it smells like someone got a perm! i explain my story to her. i put on my gloves to go outside, and they reek! they were only exposed to the smell for less than thirty seconds, but the leather must have sucked it up because those stunk more than anything.

after work, i had to tutor someone in physics, and when i was done i didn't want to go home. the thought of that smell invading every cavity of my skull gave me an instant headache. i needed a drink. so i called up a friend and met her at this bar where they have fifty cent drinks from four to seven - happy hour! we met up with other friends there and i had a good drink and enough food to fill me up for about five dollars. i returned at 8:30 this evening.

surprizingly, the smell was gone. or as gone as it could be with air freshener and hundreds of candles. i suppose this is because my dad took a shovel and removed the skunk carcass from the yard - apparently it had been there all day. he told me that our dogs are wild animals. they didn't mangle the skunk, but they tore its heart clean out of its chest.

that's the least they could do!