green cards and holiday blues

so i was talking with JPB the other night (viste? estoy escribiendo de vos) and he informed me that if he were in the US he would be making about 120k (args do seem to be a bit cocky) because that's what his partner in the US makes. then why aren't you here? i asked him. he said he doesn't have a green card. after explaining that if he found a job here the company would take care of all that i said, or for a thousand bucks i could find someone to marry you. even though it was obvious that i was joking, he immediately objected, citing the immorality of such a deal. but is it really immoral? if you're just married on paper (like in going to the courthouse and getting the marriage license) is it wrong if it's just to help someone out? for me what would be immoral is to take the traditional marriage vows. does one have to do this when applying for a marriage license? i think about that one felicity episode where she says she will marry her gay spanish boss so that he doesn't get deported. i can't remember if she really goes through with it. i don't know if i would paper-marry someone to help him out. i think i'd be more likely to be a surrogate mother if i were strapped for cash. that involves no lying.

and yes it's the "holiday season" again. and yes i am "alone" for the "holiday season" once again. and yes i have the "holiday blues". blah blah blah. i don't want to say that i NEED a man, but it would be nice. i've only had one around this time once in my life; i was sixteen years old. his name was tim and we never made out, though we were dating for three months. i broke up with him because for christmas he gave me exactly what i asked for. i guess the reason that i am lamenting my alone-ness (b/c it's not necesarily solitude) is because something really strange happened yesterday. i got this email from the lawyer:

Miss E,

How are you? After one year in the US, I would be going to Chicago next
Thursday to interview with Company X and Company Y. I will be staying all weekend
and if you like we can meet either Friday during or Saturday.

You may also call me if you like to my cell phone it's 123-555-4567

Hope to hear from you,

The Lawyer

this may seem like a friendly email and pleasant surprize, but the bewildering part is that about a month or so ago i got a similar email, copied below (names and places and numbers have obviously been changed, but remain consistent in the two copied emails).

Hi, Miss E

How's it going? after one year here, I'll be going to Chicago on Thursday night to interview with Company X and Company Y. I will be staying for the weekend. Would you like to meet sometime on Friday or Saturday? Call if you want, my phone is 123-555-4567

See you,
The Lawyer

yeah, wtf with a capital F! i replied three question marks (???), and he replied simply: sorry, old mail (having completely disregarded the fact that i had written him an email a week ago to which he did not respond). hm what could have happened? the only explanation that occurred to me was that his computer has a virus or something. because how could this have gotten sent to me? unless he saved a different, more friendly version as a draft and accidentally sent it yesterday? of note is the difference in the quality of the english; in the more recent one he sounds like he actually has a heart although he makes some mistakes, and in the latter he seems quite cold but has almost perfect english. so either there were two versions of this mail and one actually did get sent to me on accident, or he was testing me to see how i would respond, or he was just making fun of me. whatever - he is a stone. i have to admit that for a split second my hopes did go up - if anything he's a good, um, kisser. this shows that he actually deliberated and wrote a few drafts before sending me the email i received a few weeks ago - he actually thought about it, and i guess that's what matters/mattered. does not matter so much now because now he's back in XX state never to be heard from again and things have generally cooled. what(thefuck)ever.

the sad truth is that i don't have boyfriends - i have affairs. holiday blues.