randomness on a saturday

i will go to chile as an english teacher. then i will kind of just float around the world teaching english never establishing myself and ending up like GGM in memoria de mis putas tristes, "90" years old and never having anything serious with anyone.

believing that you are beautiful and believing that you are love-able are two very different things.

my favorite part about my gym is the steam room/hot tub, and that it's in the locker room so a bathing suit is not necessary. then, i love the moisturizer that they have there because it smells like my romanticised impression of the scent of dandelions (the scent that comes to mind when i think about picking "flowers" for my kindergarten teacher on a sunny day while walking to school - not that i think about my kindergarten teacher, but about the warmness and the tender age of six). in other words, it smells like the best part of the scent of a dandelion.

i was good this week - i made an appointment with a dentist (something i haven't done for more than a year); i also called the people who are in charge of sending us (employees of the school district) to therapists as needed. will call the one they recommended me on monday. i have to figure out these things about myself before i take any further steps. as i've said before i'd like to understand my motives for leaving and make sure that i'm not just trying to escape the responsibility i would have to assume if i settled into North American culture (sometimes i catch myself thinking, well if i had my kids in X-Country they wouldn't act like the kids at this school do - that's just me trying to run away from the responsibility i would have to teach my imaginary kids good manners if i stayed in this country).

i'm a smart girl; i'll figure it out.