sluggish saturday

oh the point i was trying to make with the title of my last post is for me anti-depressants are not happy pills. they're non-depression/anxiety pills. which explains the decrease in the occurence of my obsessions/compulsions.

so let's go into my current status. i'm not happy about argentine 7897509837452. however i am treating this situation differently than i would have say, a year or two ago. as i mentioned in a previous post, when a guy stopped calling i would get these compusions to call him, even if when i really thought about it i could be fine without him calling me. now i am realizing i don't really care. i mean, we got along well, but this kind of behavior is unacceptable. i honestly wasn't expecting it. i guess it it is my payback for shooting down the shy guy who i watched stand against a wall by himself blushing as he gathered his courage to come over to me and say hey, um, i think you're gorgeous... i was, um, wondering if you'd ah like to get lunch sometime? i can't remember if i blogged about this before or not... i've been so busy lately that my memory is getting holes in it. anyway my response to that was well, i really can't do lunch because i only have a half hour. besides, i'm all the way in c'ville so it would be really hard. then he asked for my phone number. well, technically i'm single but i am kind of seeing someone, so i don't think so. HA, there it is, the one ironic statement that is never lacking in situations like this.

other things...
tuesday night DCB1 was over at my house. i'm not sure if i regret my response or not. i with all my high-school books and notes (preparing to tutor Slow Geometry Student) was assembled at the bar, and my dad had just mentioned something to me about the secretaries (excuse me, executive assistants) having mentioned that they were looking for someone to come in part-time. so we were deep in discussion, as i tend to be when discussing summer job possibilities, and DCB1 comes in, says hi, how are you, gives me a hug, nice to see you, etc. i was understandably a little cold towards him. i wish i hadn't been talking with my dad because i would have liked to talk to DCB1, ask about what happened last december, etc. but oh well. we've just opened up the pool so hopefully i'll have another opportunity in the near future. i don't know, we'll see. i feel like his presence in the house has affected me subconsciously; that night i had a dream that he and one of my sister's friends started going out. i had seen them holding hands or something so i asked her if they were seeing eachother. she said no, but then went on to tell me how they had kissed at the movies and how she was now in love with him. then we were in my living room watching tv and i was sitting on the floor with tears falling down my cheeks crying silently, hoping that nobody would notice and at the same time that somebody would.

ok and remember The Lawyer? i talked to him online the other night. since the last time we spoke he has graduated with his MBA and acquired a job in the Chicago metropolitan area and will be moving up here mid-july.

and just spoke with DCB1 online. good, we are on speaking terms. turns out he still has my number (he asked me if 555-1234 was still my cell.)

and i'm beginning to notice that my dad takes a lot of mundane things personally! tonight he was in charge of dinner; he made beef ribs with fries and green beans. the gyeen beans were very very green (meaning, somewhat uncooked for my mom and sister, but just perfect for me cos i like 'em crunchy); the ribs had very little meat on them. my mother asked him how long he had microwaved the green beans and suggested that he may have bought soup bones but i bet the meat was cheap, right? to which he didn't respond. but it was probably true. anyway so after dinner dad starts getting upset and whining to my mom about her comments. i was in the office reading national geographic and i kept overhearing her say i don't understand why you have to take it so personal (sic). my dad said that he wasn't taking it personally, mom argued again that he was, and then i'm just trying to give you cooking tips. it's like the same thing with the christmas presents (he gets someone something he thinks they want, they end up not wanting it nor having wanted it in the first place, and takes it as a personal attack on him that you do not like it.) he makes dinner like three nights a week. when he cooks enough for six of us and only two of us are home for dinner, he gets upset that they're missing it. I always say to him, dad, did you think of CALLING the other people and ASKING if they would be present for dinner? i think my dad has to learn to be less aloof.

anyway, this is my second night in this weekend. it's ok though, i deserve it. i don't feel like going out; i did an hour of yoga then gave one of the girls i tutor an exam, then spent an hour and a half talking to her mother (she mentioned she could make a phone call to an american school in brazil and ask about teaching jobs!); she is such a sweet person! plus i had a pretty stressful week - all that tutoring when it's crunch time is difficult; though i'll come out of it having learnet a lot about tutoring - like processes, time management, preparing myself, etc. it's a good thing to know.