dissolution

i'm reminded of a scene from the movie Garden State. I believe zach braff is in the pool with natalie portman (i don't really remember the character's names) and he says something about how home was this idea we all had of being happy in this place that doesn't even exist anymore. (if anyone has the exact quote, let me know!)

which is what i hope does not happen. i don't want my house to be the home we once knew that someone else owns. my mom made the announcement on monday that she had hired a lawyer and that they were indeed separating. she said there was no animosity, no hatred, no fighting or bitterness, but that she was tired of "faking it."

in the last year i think they were happy for all of six hours; the six hours between ireland and chicago before they learned what one of their twenty-year old daughters had been up to in their absence.

dad wants to stay in the house; not that he needs my mom to help pay for it so he's entirely capable of staying here. but i want the house to "stay in the family." i know, it would be one thing if it were like our old blue house in fox river grove (not twenty feet on either side from another house, no pool, no firepit, small, no horses). but this is house we all literally "grew up" in. and it's odd for this country that ALL children are STILL living at home. including two college graduates! but i'm pretty sure that's not going to be the case for much longer; kelsey is talking of moving to minnesota, i want to go to north carolina. if my mom moves out keri will probably go with her. i mean, she is pregnant and what girl wouldn't want to be with her mother if the father of her unborn child were perpetually stoned?

hopefully the house will stay in the family. if we all move out one of us could take responsibility for it and rent it out. i'm not sure how all that stuff works, but i'd rent it out to cover the property taxes. it's just that here is the place we've always been able to "come home" to. how strange it would be if this were no longer home. (side note: i remember coming home when the depression was so bad was kind of like a refuge for me, even if i was crying and/or mentally absent for the whole time; my 3rd year of college i no longer felt like there was any sense of "home" at school or in my country for that matter.)

it would be kinda fun if my dad got himself a sugar mamma; i would totally get on her good side and get invited to see the fireworks on her yacht on lake michigan, she would take me shopping downtown and let me stay at her "cottage" in punta del este... and the villa in italy... of course she would only be ten to fifteen years older than myself so we would totally get along.

i think i could see my mom engaging in a "boston marriage" with a gay cowboy out in montana. seriously.