i'm a little dismayed.

the therapist assigned to me took straight to the xtianity question. i am afraid that she might be coming from that perspective. today she sounded kind of like what i think a self-help book would sound like if it could talk. she suggested that part of the problem maybe was that in those years everyone goes through more or less the same things and maybe what my problem was was that the ones in the cult (my word) failed to live up to the high standard set by the teachings of the faith.

i had not thought of this before. then she went on to give an example of how she had seen some cases where there were kids isolated from the group, and other cases where a core member of the group tried to reach out to the fringe kids. i told her i didn't think that the cult members' inability to live up to their own standards was the problem. it was the insincerity - even in groups that work, reaching out to the outcast is still insincere if you're doing it because it's what you're supposed to do.

i'm not sure we got anywhere on the goal of trying to come to terms with my experiences with the cult.




on an unrelated note, i love trees.

(i'm looking out the window of the library onto a large courtyard with a fountain in the middle, and a sculpture in the middle of that of two eagles flying in opposite directions. on either side of the fountain, there are these trees with white flower bunches. they're very pretty)