love letter

is it really the cold? it must be!

i felt the chill as i walked out of the gym. that chill that makes me want to button and zip up everything, even my very BEING! i become so much more withdrawn. everything seems so bleak. i feel like crying now. i snapped at my mom for gawking at my carton of ORGANIC MILK. i lectured her - IT'S JUST MILK WITHOUT ANTIBIOTICS OR ARTIFICIAL HORMONES! IT'S PASTEURIZED JUST LIKE REGULAR MILK! I'M SURE IT EVEN TASTES THE SAME!

maybe i'll grow breasts; could the artificial cow hormones be the reason mine never came? my dermatologist told me sometimes making the switch helps calm acne prone skin.

i am in such a bad mood. fall brings back so many negative emotions. because my first ever depression that i actually called a depression happened in fall 1998. fall has always been accompanied by anxieties - about whom to ask to homecoming (b/c it was quite unreasonable for me to expect to be asked), about wether i'll go on the "rock climbing trip," about hoping i would break my ankle so i wouldn't have to run varsity.

anyone want to be my colombus day date? not that it's anything to celebrate besides a day off, but still. i imagine it to be one of those perfect fall days. i spent last years' alone. i'd like to try something different...?




which reminds me... some time ago this blog turned a year old, but i'm not sure when. love letter from me if you can tell me when my blog's birthday is!