it's funny how much some of the stuff you're reading connects itself to other things.

i'm reading The Vampire Lestat, by anne rice.
i also just read an article on migraine, where the author calls migraine "a hightening of all one's senses"

given the first sentence of this post, you know then that i'm going to make a connection between vampires and headaches migraines. which seems quite appropriate if you've ever encountered either of the two.

at the beginning of the story, before lestat is given the "dark gift," there is a scene where his mother is talking to him about lonliness. or maybe she isn't talking about precisely that, but he identifies with what she says. she tells him about when she gave birth to him - it had taken hours and she was in such pain; since everyone else in their place was a guy, nobody had any idea what it was like to be in that kind of pain; she was very lonely in her suffering because nobody else knew what it was about. lestat identified with this being alone in suffering.

and that is where i make the connection to migraines. the article that i was reading previously to writing this post mentioned a "heightening of all of one's senses" when one suffers an attack. for me, light, smells, and sounds are all greatly amplified; i can't handle the smell of the fridge, the sounds of children being children give me ganas de vomitar, i want to walk around with my head veiled, or just sit in a dark room. i can't do anything. when the migraine is full-blown i can only sit in a room, i can't even lie down. a normal little headache i can deal with by means of an ice pack, vapo-rub, icy hot, and a bed. but when these things don't work and i don't have any meds on my hands that work, it just gets worse and worse. and all i can do is sit. it even hurts to get up and go to the bathroom, so i would trade any unnecessary pain with having to wear big diapers (standing up causes a change in blood pressure and since migraines are due to irritation caused by vasodilation, any change in blood pressure is felt in my head).

but the last time i was at the end of my rope; i was sobbing because absolutely nothing was working. i was lucky enough to get an appointment with my doctor that day, and i had to stand up while i waited in the waiting room (but then i gave in and sat down very very slowly).

it just dissolved an entire week of my life! i hate doing nothing, and that is compounded when i do nothing because i can't do anything. it's like i go underground, become nonexistent, disappear. and that is the lonliest kind of pain i know.